1-900-NOT-PORN

I've been watching a lot of late-night TV lately. Lots of really bad late-night TV, because up until last Thursday I didn't have cable. But then I got cable. Sweet sweet cable. Entertainment of the gods. Soooo many channels. Soooo many more late-night TV choices. It's all still really bad, but did I mention sooooo many more choices? Soooooooo many!

Here's the thing I just don't get. Have you seen those incessant commercials for dating hotlines? Apparently, you call the hotline, and you can talk live with eligible members of the opposite sex, or you can leave them messages after listening to their profiles.

Great, right? Except that I think all of those hotlines are really about the pornography. Except I'm not sure. They all offer "flirty" chat. What is flirty chat? Is "flirty chat" code for "phone sex"? Maybe I'm making too much of it. But the commercials also ALWAYS feature blonde bombshells, all of whom call the "dating" line while writhing on their stomachs on their red satin sheets and OOPS maybe one of their boobs is about to pop out of their lingerie.

So it's porn. Right? But why not just say that it's an adult hotline up front? Otherwise, what if those porno-seeking men believe it's actually a dating line and don't call?

Meanwhile, what if it really is a dating line? Isn't the issue always that there aren't enough women for all the men who call/join/whatever? Why are those commercials expected to attract women callers? I don't want a date with some guy who calls because he likes satin-writhing, non-boob-containing blondes.

Why? WHY? WHY, GOD, WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY????????????