Five People You Meet in Flight
Where ya from? Whatcha readin'? Whaddaya do for a living? Got kids? Hobbies? Famous ancestors?
The Talker wants to know all that, and more. He doesn't actually care about your answers, because really all he wants to do is talk about himself. He will often interrupt your answers to his questions so as to ensure that he accomplishes the maximum amount of talking-about-himself that is humanly possible prior to arriving at the destination.
A hardy soul, The Talker is not to be deterred. Reading a book, wearing earplugs, working on your laptop, using the restroom, projectile vomiting – The Talker has seen it all before, and he's not about to let it rain on his TMI parade. He can, and will, talk over it.
The Kicker is the most adorable child in the world. Don't believe me? Ask his mommy. Better yet, ask his mommy to stop The Kicker from kicking your seat. Mommy knows you can't possibly be serious, because The Kicker is so darn adorable. Everyone loves him. Everything he does is adorable, including kicking seats. Besides, he's a kid, and kids kick seats, and there's nothing she can possibly do about that, now is there?
The Kicker often also exhibits characteristics of The Shrieker.
Tall, dark, and mysterious, The Enigma defies all convention, remaining preternaturally unperturbed by the mayhem around him.
Not quite a god, but better than any ordinary man, The Enigma achieves the impossible: deep, peaceful sleep, from the moment he takes his seat until the moment the plane lands.
His ways are not for mere mortals to understand.
The Recliner is a very important person. Much more important than you. The Recliner needs to be comfy. The Recliner is only comfy when his seat is reclined back as far as it possibly can go, preferably onto your lap. He enjoys looking up your nostrils and watching as you develop a twitch.
The Recliner doesn't care that you can't reach your bag underneath his seat. He doesn't care that you can't work on your laptop. He doesn't care that he's crushing your knees.
He DOES care if you "accidentally" jostle him while he relaxes. He will proceed to rain curses down upon your head, and then he will call the flight attendant. The flight attendant will also lecture you, because it is The Recliner's right to recline to his heart's content.
The Recliner enjoys reclining his seat so much, he never ever raises it. Not even when he's eating, which he manages by awkwardly perching at the end of his seat. You know that inside, he is laughing at your inability to eat because you cannot open your tray.
The Martyr has spent one too many flights sitting behind The Recliner, and he knows the pain of the reclined-upon. As a result, he will never, ever recline his own seat, no matter how uncomfortable he might be, no matter how long the flight, no matter how exhausted he is.
The Martyr is always seated behind The Recliner. On every flight.
