TV That's Bad for Kids

Last night I watched Lassie on my brand-spanking-new cable. (Don't ask me why I did this, unless you want to hear what will be my stock response for the next month: "Because I CAN!")

You probably think that Lassie is a wonderful show, apple-cheeked wholesome and bursting with good old '50s values. You would be wrong. I have never seen a show more likely to make a kid want to go off and blow his brains out.

The episode I saw was a Christmas special. Timmy's friend came by to visit. His father had just died, he and his mother were penniless and living in their car, and his beloved dog had died tragically protecting them all. This kid and Timmy went to the dog's grave, and there was a montage of scenes of the good good dog that went on for, I dunno, FIVE HOURS, and the little boy is crying and every viewer knows the horrible truth, that life is crap and we should all just give up now because good dogs die and little boys cry on Christmas!

I started watching the next episode to see if it was just a fluke. In that one, Lassie ended up locked in the storage area of a semi being hauled across the country. More little boys crying. I stopped watching, but I'm pretty sure it ended with Lassie dying of heat exhaustion from being locked in that trailer for eight days in the summer.

Thank God our kids today aren't subjected to that kind of inappropriate media!