You Should Try This "Starbucks" Stuff

So sorry for the lack of posting. I've been traveling for work, which features all of the frustrations and discomfort of traveling for pleasure with none of the blinding drunkenness.

On the way there, of course I had the window seat next to a sumo wrestler. I don't know if he actually was a sumo wrestler, but I kind of suspect he was. He was wreathed in an intriguing scent I think I shall dub "eau de delicatessen," 'cuz he kinda smelled like bread and 'cuz he kinda smelled like a day-old-meat filled dumpster. He had the armrest raised, and when I sat down I could not avoid the mounds of clammy flesh that moistly abutted my own and encroached ever further into my space no matter how intimately I hugged the window.

In retrospect, I should have immediately approached the flight crew the moment I saw what was going on, because it's possible they could have moved me. But the aisle was full of people, so I waited until the plane was in the air before looking around for other seats, and by then all that was left were middle seats (probably because people spread out into open aisle seats as they found them). I don't think people would be happy about me moving into a middle seat when they had all that open space.

Plus I didn't want to be rude to Mr. Sumo, who for all that he took up half my seat wasn't necessarily a bad guy. What's the etiquette of switching seats to escape the obesity of the person sitting next to you? What, if anything, do you say to the person when you retrieve your carry-on? And why the heck doesn't the airline require people like that to buy two seats to begin with instead of permitting them to adversely possess half of my seat?

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Out at the client's, first thing in the morning the client wants to do is visit Starbucks. Which is actually located within their office. I've never seen that before, but I guess I should have seen it coming. There's one in my building, but why suffer the indignity and pain of going all the way down the elevator when you could just lean out your door and shout your order down the hall?

I hate Starbucks. Actually, I hate coffee, and you go to Starbucks to get coffee; ergo, I hate Starbucks. But if a client says, "Let's go to Starbucks," you go. My usual I-hate-coffee Starbucks mainstay is the milkshake. It has some fancy name, like frappelattedelicioucino, but really it's a milkshake. However, that has lots of calories, and I'm a fattie who doesn't deserve lots of calories.

So I ordered the chai tea. I love tea, but I hate getting it at Starbucks 'cuz you pay $5 for something I could make at home with a little dunky teabag, which is exactly how Starbucks makes it anyway and then what's the point?

I get my chai tea, and...oh my God, it was awesome. It was the best most delicious chai tea ever, all creamy and sweet and aromatic. It made me weep.

Later in the day, when the client wanted to return to Starbucks, of course I went along and again ordered my chai tea. Only what I got in return was stupid chai tea, teabag and all. No creamy or sweet or aromatic yumminess. Just tea.

This was a most perplexing turn of events, causing much consternation on my part, until I was informed that I am an idiot. I guess the thing I got in the morning was chai tea latte (not what I had ordered, by the way). I would never order a latte because I hate coffee and latte is coffee. I was again informed that I am an idiot, and "latte" means "milk," and the chai tea latte has no coffee in it. Oookay, I knew "latte" meant "milk" in Italian, but I thought that in English coffeehouse jargon it meant a kind of coffee drink containing lots of milk. So for years I have avoided everything at Starbucks with "latte" in the name, except for the aforementioned milkshake which I long ago determined had no coffee in it and now that I think of it probably isn't called a latte anyway.

Whatever. The point is that I was wrong and the chai tea latte is yummy and I am now ADDICTED to Starbucks. I ordered a huge one at the airport when I was still on the firm's dime.

Unfortunately, my newfound obsession poses various problems. Namely the fact that I am el cheapo, and I don't want to pay $5 for glorious chai tea nectar when I can drink perfectly good algae-bloomed tap water in the office for free, dagnabbit. I've been pathetically reduced to scrounging for free Starbucks. I already filled out a survey to receive a $5 Starbucks gift card. Who knows what dark paths my addiction will lead me down next....