Important Announcement

Dear World:

I have eaten all the Indian food. There is no more left for any of you. Please return to your homes in an orderly fashion.

urkurkurk

Things That Suck More Than Studying for the Bar

[Update: I have been privately informed that this post is all depressing and stuff. Just so you know.]

I kind of enjoy thinking up things that would be worse. Better than getting pissed at people I think have it easier than me, like that whiny stay-at-home mom who had an entire article in yesterday's paper devoted to how totally hard it is to have to drive her kids to their summer activities. She, like, has to keep snacks in the car because, like, it's soooo totally hard to find time to eat and omigod what if she gets hungry!

Okay, getting annoyed again....

So, the list. What do you think?

• There's that whole category of death-dying-pain-injury-illness that I'd rather not delve into.
  
• Studying for/taking the first set of 1L finals.
  
• Fighting in Iraq, Afghanistan, other field of war.
  
• Living in a place like that, or any other third-world country.
  
• Giving birth. (Though it would be a lot shorter than the weeks of studying, I think childbirth alone would outrank it, not even counting the months of pregnancy.)
  
• Getting divorced.
  
• Losing a loved one.
  
• Hearing that a loved one is seriously ill. (And all the attendant struggles, moving on again because I thought I wasn't going to dwell on this area.)
  
• Living in poverty. Even just not having enough money to cover your reasonable needs.
  
• Being depressed.
  
• Going to medical school. ;)
  
• Being miserable at work for months on end.
  
• Losing a job you desperately need and not being able to find a new one.
  
• Losing your job, period, if you would have preferred to stay there.
  
• Being sued.
  
• Being the victim of a crime. Even something "minor," like having your home burglarized.
  
• Losing your home.

That's enough for now. It's done its purpose: I definitely feel pretty good about sitting here learning con crim pro this rainy Wednesday afternoon. :)

BAM!

Today is that magical day, that day when we collectively say, "Oh, CRAP!" and realize we actually have to take this bar thing. In less than three weeks.

I'm feeling good. I'm feeling energized. I'm a lean, mean, bar-material-learning machine. I'm ready to RIP into trusts and guardianships like no one's business! I feel like studying! I feel like outlining! I feel like writing practice essays! I feel like...having lunch.

Meanwhile, I think it's interesting to watch as different activities are slowly stripped away from my life, leaving just the streamlined necessities. What kinds of things have y'all been giving up?

My main concession so far has been to get rid of a lot of my screwing-around time. The Internet doesn't count, because I study at my desk with the computer anyway, so I consider random acts of drive-by blogging to be my well-deserved breaks.

Other than that, I really just need plenty of sleep and sufficient breaks to keep my sanity. And then there's that other thing I have to do every day. Absolutely vital. Completely nonnegotiable. And that would be...brushing my dog. No, I am not kidding.

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In other news...is there some kind of economic crisis going on that I'm unaware of? For the past two weeks, my grocery store has had NO contact lens solutions of any brands. The entire mini-aisle by the pharmacy is completely bare. I realize various solutions were recalled, but not every single one of them. I was worried about this until I remembered, HEY, I'm taking the bar, what do I need contacts for?

I'm also having a hard time getting gas. Today was the first time the closest gas station hasn't been out.

Friends Don't Let Friends Eat Other Friends

I find it terribly sad that under the common law, necessity is no defense if you kill someone else to avoid your own death.

What does that mean? So when we're lost at sea on a little canoe and we're all starving to death, I don't get to eat you to save my own life?

Bummer.

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Who wants to guess what subject I'm studying right now?

In other news, what's going on with this cannibalism theme on my blog lately? No more Alive for me!

Happy 4th of July!

Have fun! Don't worry at all over the fact that you'll be sitting there TAKING THE BAR EXAM exactly three weeks from today! :-P

Ode to a Beverage

O bubblegum soda
How did you get in my fridge?
I did not put you there.
You are a mystery.

I would not buy you.
You make me want to barf.
You are "not for individual sale" --
You did not come alone.
Yet I did not drink your friends.

From whence did you come
O vile bubblegum soda?
I ask this day and night.
Please someone drink it.

The Unkindest Cut

I've been thinking about getting my hair cut. Like, short. Like really short. Well, not that short. Chin-length, maybe.

I'm having trouble deciding, though. First of all I read that thing on J's blog about "things women need to know about men." Apparently women should never cut their hair never ever. Men like long hair a whole really lot and don't like short hair at all.

THEY DO? Oh my God really? Well then I'd better not cut my hair, right, because otherwise I'll be alone forever and I'll have to get a bunch of cats even more than the two I already have (yes in addition to the dogs oh my God I'm already the crazy pet lady!!!).

So it went in my head. Sanity prevailed, though. The Sunday wedding announcements are always helpful for moments like that. All kinds of people get married. Short-haired people, long-haired people, fat people, skinny people, young people, old people, ugly people, pretty people, black people, white people, purple-people-eater people.... (The word "people" has now lost all meaning for me.)

But then C reacted to my idea with the appalled horror most people would reserve for the announcement that, say, it might be fun to go out and eat some babies with barbecue sauce. (Yuck! Everybody knows babies taste better with gravy.)

I dunno. What do y'all think? To cut or not to cut?

For the record, bar-related concerns aren't an issue, because if you think I'm in there every morning fussing with each strand of hair for an hour, you're clearly not taking the ba--well...hm...actually, I've seen you there at BarBri with your perfectly coifed 'do and your manicured nails and flirty skirt and 4-inch heels.

Bitch.

Feel My Wrath

Dear Jerks:

1) It is 1:38 a.m.

2) I am studying for the bar exam. At 1:38 in the morning.

3) I am NOT A HAPPY PERSON right now.

4) If you value your continued state of living, you will immediately cease and desist in your SETTING OFF OF FIREWORKS!! At 1:38 in the morning! On a day that is NOT, I repeat NOT, the 4th of July! In a place that is under a fireworks ban! WHILE I'M STUDYING FOR THE BAR EXAM!!!!!!!

Positive Visualization

If this is me studying for the bar, THIS is what I'll look like after:


Please note the sun-bronzed tan.

Still studying. Mostly. When I'm not playing on the South Park character generator.

Gotta Build Me an Arkie Arkie

Wow, did someone mention something about needing a little rain?

I've been all atwitter with anticipation over this most exciting occasion. It's like Christmas and New Year's and my birthday all rolled into one!

See, in case you didn't catch on earlier, my house is a bit of a fixer-upper. I was so busy regaling you with thrilling tales of air-conditioning derring-do, I didn't even bother telling you about the puzzling, astonishing, electrifying, (potentially arousing?) case of the poorly draining backyard!

Which leads inevitably and tragically to the case of the flooded living room...but that's a story for another day.

Whatever, so things had to be done. What I assumed, given my vast knowledge of and experience in the area of home improvement, would be a simple task of adding some gutters turned into a months-long saga of pain and heartbreak and occasionally margaritas, except the part about the margaritas has nothing to do with anything except did I mention they taste good?

I learned far more than I ever cared to about this phenomenon that is known as the "french drain." I had always wondered what those were when I was looking at houses. It appeared on every seller's disclosure as "not applicable." What was this mysterious thing, pondered perplexed I, or perhaps I perplexedly pondered. What was it for? It sounded exotic, kind of sexy, and maybe a little bit dirty too, like you'd have one of those french drains next to your bidet and after a night of sweaty throbbing passion you'd use it for...for...well, something.

Hm, well, I have one now. And gutters, and strange giant pipes leading off to unknown netherworlds, and even a bewildering concrete box containing some kind of pump, and possibly a tiny village of Smurfs, but I think they bite so I don't dare to venture out there to check.

Today was the first time it's actually rained enough to matter, so I've been running back and forth, avidly watching this Rube Goldberg-esque production as it whisks water to and fro and over the windmill that triggers the boot that kicks that chicken that lays the egg that engages the catapult that shoots the water over the fence.

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It's a lot more fun than studying, which is what I've been doing all day. That, and no drinking of margaritas. However much this post might appear to belie that fact.

Dude, the bar exam sucks.