Well, I finally got my home computer working again. Then for the longest time I couldn't remember the password for this blog.
Anywho, I don't have much new to say, but my brother is taking the Bar this summer, so I thought I would resurrect some selected posts from my long-defunct Bar blog. I can't imagine they'll provide much inspiration, but Bar-me can offer a lot more commiseration than current-me can.
I just got back from a late-night walk with my dogs. It's been so hot lately that this is the only time of day that it's bearable.
For some reason the neighborhood was full of life tonight. Other people were out walking, and several cars drove by. I also heard people laughing and splashing at five different pool parties. I didn't get the night-swimming memo, but it made the night seem so summery and happy. It reminded me of the way summer used to feel when summer meant non-stop vacation, fun and carefree and where 11 on a Thursday night is as good a time as any to hop in the pool.
I also walked my dogs this late last night. It was like a different world. The houses were pitch black, and I kind of felt like I might be the only person left in the world. A lone teenager went speeding by, and everything so silent that I could hear his car revving and screeching for a very long time after he was gone. The sprinklers were running in front of one house. The way the water was haloed by the moonlight made it look like it wasn't moving at all, a ghostly mist that settled into the night.
I much prefer nights like tonight. And I think maybe I'll go hop in the pool....
Today I discovered a response to a motion I filed ("discovered" due to a fortuitous status check, since apparently it was too much to expect that I would actually be served). The response, rather than dealing with the merits, attacks me personally and basically accuses me of every possible act of wrongdoing from perjury to being, in fact, Hitler.
This doesn't exactly come as a surprise, as the blatantly-committing-UPL non-attorney "counsel" for the other side is the craziest nut I've encountered since, oh, April.
Still, it totally bummed me out. Why don't you love me, random insane idiot?
Yes, I know, I never update my blog anymore. I'd tell you to check my Facebook page (and if you want to, e-mail me privately and I'll give you the URL), except I never update that either. It doesn't help that I've been locked out of my home computer since last month because Microsoft has decided that I am using a pirated version of Windows, which of course I am not. So, I'm doing what any self-respecting, proactive adult would do – using the computer at my Mommy and Daddy's house.
Anywho. Work is good. I still have work, so that is good. Sometimes I have too much work, and that is not so good. I had a summer associate who has now moved on to other pursuits. This is a relief because it means there will be fewer cookies in the office for me to eat, and because I will no longer experience the white-hot blinding rage that comes from dealing with an over-entitled 24-year-old who apparently didn't get the memo about, like, the economy and stuff, and who thinks we're being way harsh to, like, assign work.
Meanwhile, I'm going on vacation soon. That should have been fine, but somehow I've managed to accrue a 15-hour billables deficit. This occurred because there was an Important News Event in my field of practice. "Hey," I mused to those around me, "We should send out a client alert about this Important News Event." Great idea, said all. This Important News Event would make a perfect client alert, a one-paragraph blurb that's intended to inform clients about some Important yet straightforward action they should take.
I very quickly typed out four sentences about the Important News Event and sent it around to the others, proud that I had accomplished a little tidbit of business development in record time. I still don't know exactly what happened next, but it basically involved a pack of lawyers descending on my four sentences, tearing them to shreds, and turning my nice little informative blurb into an opus. My favorite part was when someone objected to my use of the word "because" and changed it to "since." Or maybe it was the other way around. That was around hour 10 of the incident, and I informed said person that I no longer cared. Do whatever you want, I said. Just please, PLEASE stop talking to me about it.
Finally it was done. I sent it to Partner 1 for approval. Partner 1 said, what happened to that nice little thing you wrote earlier? That was much clearer. Let's use that. So I did, and then I had to go to Partner 2 for approval. Then I had to go to Partner 3. Partner 3 said, hey, what happened to that nice meaty piece that was going around earlier? I liked that one better. Use that, but make it more detailed. Details are good.
Then I sent it to the people who prepare the client alerts to be e-mailed. They sent it back to me to proofread. Except they were using the wrong version. So I said, hey, this is the wrong version; please use this one. They said, oops, here you go. Except it was still the same wrong version as before. So I said, hey, this is the wrong version. Stop me if you've heard this one before.... This happened precisely five times, and finally on the fifth time I offered to come down personally to help out. The prospect of gazing upon me in person (known to turn some men to stone!) apparently terrified them into submission, and somehow they managed to use the correct version. Except they mangled some sentences within that. Another five corrections later, and all was well.
So then they send out an e-mail to everyone involved saying, "Now we need a title!" I said I DON'T CARE. No, not kidding, I don't care leave me alone about it stop talking to me!!!!! Of course that means I ended up having to come up with a title after everyone else refused to do so, and of course that led to another hour of debates.
The end result after 145 e-mails and 15 hours? Five sentences sent to hundreds of contacts, two of whom asked us to handle issues created by Important News Event, one non-client who asked for tons of information about how to handle issues created by Important News Event and then handled it themselves, and one irate phone call from someone outraged about receiving our "spam" and demanding to never ever receive e-mails like that again, except don't take them off the mailing list because they still want to hear about "important crap, just not crap-crap like that crap you sent today."
I joined Facebook. I felt like I was too old for it, but once even my firm started pressuring me to get an account, it seemed like it was time.
The firm thinks Facebook offers fabulous opportunities for NETWORKING and BUSINESS DEVELOPMENT. So far I am friends with exactly one client. This client is a lawyer in a foreign country whom we also use for work in that country. So they probably think THEY are networking with ME.
I keep hearing these stories about people reconnecting with long-lost people from their past and how they develop rich and rewarding new friendships and blah blah blah. But all the people I would really like to find from back then are either (1) already still my friends (hi, Deborah); or (2) not on Facebook or apparently anywhere else on the Internet. As for the people I did find on Facebook, it was like, "Hi, how are you?" And they responded, "Hey, great to see you. I am a [insert career here]." And then I wrote back, "I am a lawyer." And then there is great silence and many status updates on my newsfeed about what they ate for breakfast.
But don't mind me. Maybe I'm just bitter because I have such an inadequate number of Facebook friends compared to everyone else. Why does nobody love me? (Note: skeezy sweaty drunk guy K and I met at the last young lawyers' happy hour who wanted to "friend" us – for some reason I think he meant something other than Facebook – does not count.)
Still here, things are good, happy to have a job in this market! I just had wireless Internet installed, so maybe I'll log in more now that I'm not confined to the office – or maybe not, as this is in fact the first time on this computer since I had that installed 2 weeks ago, and I actually AM still in my office.
Hope everyone's doing well!
Above please see the aforementioned traditional garb of our ancestral land.
Or not.
Halloween happened, and I did indeed go with A as she trick-or-treated (not to mention little Jr. above). I did indeed appear dressed in said traditional garb. But then A, who had been told that she would be going dressed as a "_____ [redacted national origin] girl," announced that she was going to be a "_____ [redacted national origin] girl...wearing a blue princess dress and fairy wings and a crown."
And so she was. It was incredibly cute, but meanwhile there I was in my get-up, which was rendered inexplicable by A's last-minute wardrobe change.
I would ponder the emotional scars that has surely left, but I have bigger things to worry about. A went trick-or-treating...but it seems like nobody else did. I haven't gotten many trick-or-treaters for years, and it was the same this year – just a couple of groups of older teenagers who don't live in the area who came because we've got better treats than wherever they live.
But out where my brother lives, there used to be lots of trick-or-treaters. This year, there were hardly any. I figured it would be especially big this year since it wasn't a school night.
Is trick-or-treating endangered? I used to be worried that Halloween itself would disappear, victim of played-up fears of stranger danger and religious extremism, but that doesn't seem to be the case in a world where Halloween-only shops proliferate each October. If anything, Halloween seems to be a bigger money-maker than ever.
The trick-or-treating, though, is waning. I hope that kids 20 years from now don't look look back on it as something quaint and archaic, like playing kick the can or, I dunno, convincing your friends to paint a fence for you.
Well, once again it's Halloween, and I can't help but feel a little bit bummed.
What happened to all the scary movies on TV? The best I could find last night was the Scooby Doo Halloween special, and for some reason that didn't really appeal to me. Even the reruns of The Simpsons have been regular episodes. Where's the holiday spirit? Sigh.
My little niece A is going trick-or-treating for the first time tonight. I'm going with her. She's dressing up as an individual of _______ national origin [redacted for anonymity concerns], so I decided to do the same. We're both going to wear the traditional garb of our people, which is both traditional and very garb-like. I was appalled to discover that only my fat traditional garb (kind of like fat jeans but oh so much more depressing) currently fits decently. That made me sad, so I ate some Reese's to feel better.
I have a confession to make. It's pretty humiliating, but I've been tormented by this for a long while, and I'm tired of living a lie.
You know all of those great shows on pay cable? I like them and all, but dear God, I'm sick of the sex. It happens in movies sometimes too, but I think cable TV shows are the worst. It's like the shows' creators are going, hey, we're on cable, so that means we need to stick in a bunch of raunchy sex! Do we have enough boobs in this shot? How about if we add more lesbian make-out scenes? People LOVE those!
And I hate it. I find it embarrassing to watch. I much prefer the reruns of Sex and the City on TBS, because it means I'm spared another one of Samantha's screaming orgasms. I tried to watch Masters of Horror, 'cuz I like me some horror, but it turned out to be more like Masters of Porn. (Fear Itself on NBC did a better job of actually attempting "horror" – but I think that's off the air now.)
And now I'm watching True Blood, which is great if you like vampires (and I do), but gaaaaaawd. I told my parents it was pretty good, so last time I was visiting them, they turned on the episode where Horny Brother overdoses on vampire blood. I'll spare you the details, but the episode basically devolves into a 20-minute masturbation session. I thought I might die.
So ENOUGH already. I tried to be cool about it. I tried to pretend to be the kind of breezy liberal bohemian person who says, yes, please, do show me more S&M and fantasy rape scenes. But I'm just not. Apparently I'm one pair of Sarah Palin glasses and a witchcraft exorcism away from raving fundamentalism.
